Tag Archives: one liners

Getting Older is Getting Better? Really?

Well aging is certainly a deep well of humor!  By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had … Continue reading

Posted in Quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jack Benny One Liners

Jack Benny was known for his dry wit. He often punctuated his stand up show with short riffs from his ubiquitous violin. Here are some of my favorites: Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, One Liners | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why Louis CK Can Make a Living as a Comedian

Couldn’t resist sharing a few of my favorite Louis CK lines: Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house. The meal is not over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself. I’m not … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Erma Bombeck- Oh Mother!

Erma Bombeck always saw the humor in the everyday mishaps of family life! Never have more children than you have car windows. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, One Liners, Quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

All in the Family: The Jokes on You!

Most people will soon be spending at least a bit of quality time with their families. A quick look around found that, though mothers-in-law bore the brunt of most jokes, no member of the family was immune. Here’s a few … Continue reading

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ellen Degeneres: Funny Quotes

Here are a few of our favorite Ellen Degeneresisms: I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that. My grandmother started walking five miles a day … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paula Poundstone: One Funny Woman

Here are a few classic Paula Poundstone quotes: My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mitch Hedburg Quotes

Mitch Hedburg’s (1968-2005) stand up comedy routines were known for his short, sharp one-liners. Here are a few of our favorites: A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Quotes | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Henny Youngman: King of the One Liner

Did you know that Henny Youngman’s comedy career began while working in a NYC print shop? He wrote scores of “comedy cards”-cards that had one line gags printed on them. Youngman is known best for telling a series of rapid … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, Jokes, One Liners | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Phyllis Diller on Motherhood

94-year-old Phyllis Diller didn’t start her career in comedy until she was in her late 30’s. Raising 6 children gave her plenty of material. Here are a few of Diller’s observations on her days as a housewife: My cooking is … Continue reading

Posted in Humor, One Liners | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment