Tag Archives: henny youngman

Bbbye Bye! Quotes About Money

April 15th. Sigh. The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax. Albert Einstein Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. Ronald Reagan I love to go to Washington-if only to be near my … Continue reading

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Quotes About Everyone’s Favorite Relative: Grandma!

Ahhhhh! Who doesn’t love a grandma? Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. Marcy DeMaree As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your … Continue reading

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Bigger Snacks Mean Bigger Slacks and Other Diet Quotes

Ugh. Take away my Doritos and I’m miserable. Misery loves company so I’ve compiled a few appropriate quotes about diets: I lied on my Weight Watchers list.  I put down that I had 3 eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate … Continue reading

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Cheers! Quotes About Drinking

Bottoms up! If it wasn’t for the olives in his martinis he’d starve to death. Milton Berle To alcohol! The cause of – and solution – to all of life’s problems. Homer Simpson Now don’t say you can’t swear off … Continue reading

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Pucker Up, Buttercup! A Few Funny Quotes about Marriage

Erma Bombeck once said about marriage,”He who laughs, lasts.” Yep. Here’s a few funny quotes to help you get through the day laughing: Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts. Jeff Foxworthy Marriage is the only … Continue reading

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Win? Place? Show? Horse Racing Quotes

Mint Juleps, elaborate hats, and betting! It’s almost time for the Kentucky Derby! You’re better off betting on a horse than betting on a man. A horse may not be able to hold you tight, but he doesn’t wanna wander … Continue reading

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What is the Number One News Year’s Resolution?

Dieting! Here’s what a few of our favorite comedians have to say about that well-worn topic: The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. Julia Child My wife is a light eater. … Continue reading

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What? Mother in Law Jokes?

While I was pulling together some jokes on families I found way too many mother-in-law jokes. Good grief! I got off lucky! Hey! Wait a minute! I do have a son-in-law. I’m sure he would never make fun of me. … Continue reading

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Henny Youngman: King of the One Liner

Did you know that Henny Youngman’s comedy career began while working in a NYC print shop? He wrote scores of “comedy cards”-cards that had one line gags printed on them. Youngman is known best for telling a series of rapid … Continue reading

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