Can’t stay up for the late shows? Here are some evergreen political jokes:
- Why should politicians be buried 20 feet deep?Because deep down, they’re really good people!
- What’s the difference between a politician and a shopping cart?A politician holds more liquor!
- What’s the difference between a politician and a catfish? One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish! What’s the difference between a politician and a sack of manure?The sack!
- Why don’t you ever hear about burglars robbing politicians? Professional courtesy!
- What’s the difference between a good politician and a bad politician? A headstone!
- What do you call a group of skydiving politicians? Skeet!
- How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving!
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Wow. So many answers to the age old question, “How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?” Here are some of my favorites:
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
- How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but it really gets screwed.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to do it and three to complain that the old bulb was better.
- How many ethical politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Both of them!
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? It’s irrelevant; they’re still in the dark!
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Since they rarely change anything without first appointing a study committee, it can take anywhere from between six to twelve politicians to change a light bulb.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? 10000001. One to change the light bulb and 10000000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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photo credit: The Light Inside Yourself! via photopin (license)
Oh dear! Where did the summer go? It time for students to go back to school and time for Mirth in a Box to pull out the teacher jokes.
- Why did the teacher turn the lights on? Because her class was so dim!
- Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils!
- Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the water!
- What do you call a teacher without students? Happy!
- What would happen if you took the school bus home ? The police would make you bring it back !
- Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!
Are you the type who likes to curls up with a good book on a cold night? I sure am. I think you’ll enjoy these quotes:
- Every burned book enlightens the world. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. Joseph Brodsky
- If you believe everything you read, better not read. Japanese proverb
- Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? Henry Ward Beecher
- You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me. C. S. Lewis
- You cannot open a book without learning something. Confucius
- Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! Mitch Hedberg
- I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
- ‘Classic.’ A book which people praise and don’t read. Mark Twain
- The covers of this book are too far apart. Ambrose Bierce
- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx
- This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. Dorothy Parker
- Never judge a book by it’s movie. JW Eagan
- Big book, big bore. Callimachus
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Do not disparrow! Try out these bird jokes (Good Grebe!):
- What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower? Shredded Tweet!
- How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I’ll tell you tomorrow!
- What birds spend all their time on their knees? Birds of prey!
- How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens? Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!
- What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor? The pheasants are revolting’!
- What do you call a duck on drugs? A quackhead!
- What kind of bird can carry the most weight? The crane!
- What do you get when you cross a Golden Eagle with a razor?A Bald Eagle!
- When should you buy a bird? When it’s going cheep!
Drumroll please, my favorite:
A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “Where did you get that thing?” The parrot replies, “In France, there are millions of them!”
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages that should cheer anyone up!
Thanks to panuruangjan via freedigitalphotos.net for the picture of the Blue Flycatcher!
Posted in Humor
Tagged bird jokes, puns
As the summer heat abates I begin, once again, to spend time in my garden. Ahhhhh!!!!!
- A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust. Gertrude Jekyll
- Gardening requires lots of water – most of it in the form of perspiration. Lou Erickson
- Gardening is the purest of human pleasures. Francis Bacon
- I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers. Claude Monet
- If you have two pennies, spend one on a loaf and one on a flower. The bread will give you life and the flower a reason for living. Chinese Proverb
- Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them A. A. Milne
Too busy working in your garden to create a care package for someone at college? Well……Mirth in a Box sells the best college care packages in the world! Check us out!
Need a pair of practical and pretty gardening gloves? Do check out my friend Harriet’s gorgeous gloves HERE.
photo credit: jeżówki (echinacea purpurea) via photopin (license)
Get it? If you’ve ever gone camping you know that insects are found IN TENTS!!!!!Never mind. Here are some cute insect & bug quotes with a touch of poetry:
- Take time to smell the roses and eventually you’ll inhale a bee. Anonymous
- Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either. Woody Allen
- I am no source of honey so why should they turn on me? Sylvia Plath (about bees)
- Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Anonymous
- We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.Bill Vaughan
- The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. Andy Warhol
- God in his wisdom made the fly/And then forgot to tell us why. Ogden Nash “The Fly”
- I am no source of honey so why should they turn on me? Sylvia Plath ( about bees)
- There was an Old Man in a tree/ Who was horribly bored by a Bee. /When they said, ‘Does it buzz?” /He replied, ‘Yes, it does! /”It’s a regular brute of a Bee!’
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photo credit: Fighting bees via photopin (license)
photo credit: Escarabajo (2) via photopin (license)
Posted in Quotes, Summer Camp, Words
Tagged bugs, camping, edward lear, insects, limerick, Mirth in a Blog, Mirth in a Box, ogden ansh, poems, poetry, quotes, Summer Camp
- No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. Abraham Lincoln
- I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.Winston Churchill
- Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal. Eddie Izzard
- Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture. Jacquelyn Mitchard
- Time spent with cats is never wasted. Sigmund Freud
- The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. Paula Poundstone
- In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.Terry Pratchett
For those of you who love their cats….
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- What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
- How long should a horse’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground!
- What do you ask a sad horse? Why the long face?
- Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? She always said neigh!
- What type of story does a runaway horse tell? A tale of whoa!
- What did one horse say to the other horse? The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane!
Mirth in a Box sells fun camp care packages for kids who go to horse camp and kids who never, ever want to get on a horse! Send on today!
photo credit: Summer stable. via photopin (license)
Posted in Humor, Jokes, Summer Camp
Tagged Boarding School gifts, camp, camp care package, camp care package ideas, fun and unique gift ideas, funny and unusual college care packages, horse, humor, jokes, Mirth in a Box, puns