Who Would Have Thought? Jokes About Politicians

Can’t stay up for the late shows? Here are some evergreen political jokes:politicians scrape shit from boots

    • Why should politicians be buried 20 feet deep?Because deep down, they’re really good people!
    • What’s the difference between a politician and a shopping cart?A politician holds more liquor!
    • What’s the difference between a politician and a catfish? One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish!                                                                                       What’s the difference between a politician and a sack of manure?The sack!
    • Why don’t you ever hear about burglars robbing politicians? Professional courtesy!
    • What’s the difference between a good politician and a bad politician? A headstone!
    • What do you call a group of skydiving politicians? Skeet!
    • How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving!    

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How Many Politicians Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

Wow. So many answers to the age old question, “How many politicians does it light bulb and handtake to change a light bulb?” Here are some of my favorites:

  • How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it. 
  • How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
  • How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but it really gets screwed. 
  • How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to do it and three to complain that the old bulb was better.
  • How many ethical politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Both of them!
  • How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? It’s irrelevant; they’re still in the dark!  
  • How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Since they rarely change anything without first appointing a study committee, it can take anywhere from between six to twelve politicians to change a light bulb. 
  • How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? 10000001. One to change the light bulb and 10000000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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Back To School: Teacher Jokes

Oh dear! Where did the summer go? It time for students to go back to school and vintage teachertime for Mirth in a Box to pull out the teacher jokes.

  • Why did the teacher turn the lights on? Because her class was so dim!
  • Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?  She couldn’t control her pupils! 
  • Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the water!
  • What do you call a teacher without students? Happy!
  • What would happen if you took the school bus home ? The police would make you bring it back !
  • Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!

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Happy Labor Day!

fireworks labor day

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14 Memorable Quotes About Books

Are you the type who likes to curls up with a good book on a cold night? I sure am. Words, Books and PalindromesI think you’ll enjoy these quotes:

  • Every burned book enlightens the world. Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. Joseph Brodsky
  • If you believe everything you read, better not read. Japanese proverb
  • Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? Henry Ward Beecher
  • You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me. C. S. Lewis
  • You cannot open a book without learning something. Confucius
  • Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read! Mitch Hedberg
  • I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
  • ‘Classic.’ A book which people praise and don’t read. Mark Twain
  • The covers of this book are too far apart. Ambrose Bierce
  • I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx
  • This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. Dorothy Parker
  • Never judge a book by it’s movie. JW Eagan
  • Big book, big bore. Callimachus

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How Do You Cheer Up a Blue Bird?

Do not disparrow! Try out these bird jokes (Good Grebe!):

  • What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower? Male Hainan Blue Flycatcher" by panuruangjanShredded Tweet!
  • How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I’ll tell you tomorrow!
  • What birds spend all their time on their knees? Birds of prey!
  • How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens? Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!
  • What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor? The pheasants are revolting’!
  • What do you call a duck on drugs? A quackhead!
  • What kind of bird can carry the most weight? The crane!
  • What do you get when you cross a Golden Eagle with a razor?A Bald Eagle!
  • When should you buy a bird? When it’s going cheep!

Drumroll please, my favorite:

A Frenchman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “Where did you get that thing?” The parrot replies, “In France, there are millions of them!”

Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages that should cheer anyone up!

Thanks to panuruangjan via freedigitalphotos.net for the picture of the Blue Flycatcher!

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Smelling the Flowers: Gardening Quotes

As the summer heat abates I begin, once again, to spend time in my garden. echinacea late summer flowerAhhhhh!!!!!

  • A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust. Gertrude Jekyll
  • Gardening requires lots of water – most of it in the form of perspiration. Lou Erickson
  • Gardening is the purest of human pleasures. Francis Bacon
  • I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers. Claude Monet
  • If you have two pennies, spend one on a loaf and one on a flower. The bread will give you life and the flower a reason for living. Chinese Proverb
  • Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them A. A. Milne

Too busy working in your garden to create a care package for someone at college? Well……Mirth in a Box sells the best college care packages in the world! Check us out!

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Bzzzzzz! Insects are Intense!

Get it? If you’ve ever gone camping you know that insects are found IN TENTS!!!!!Never bees on flowermind. Here are some cute insect & bug quotes with a touch of poetry:

      • Take time to smell the roses and eventually you’ll inhale a bee.  Anonymous
      • Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either. Woody Allen
      • I am no source of honey so why should they turn on me? Sylvia Plath (about bees)
      • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?  Anonymous
      • We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.Bill Vaughan
      • The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.  Andy Warholclos eup beetle
      • God in his wisdom made the fly/And then forgot to tell us why. Ogden Nash “The Fly”
      • I am no source of honey so why should they turn on me? Sylvia Plath ( about bees)
      • There was an Old Man in a tree/ Who was horribly bored by a Bee. /When they said, ‘Does it buzz?” /He replied, ‘Yes, it does! /”It’s a regular brute of a Bee!’
        Edward Lear

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Clawsome Quotes About Cats

  • No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. AbrahamMan with Cat Lincoln
  • I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.Winston Churchill
  • Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal. Eddie Izzard
  • Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture. Jacquelyn Mitchard
  • Time spent with cats is never wasted. Sigmund Freud
  • The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. Paula Poundstone
  • In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.Terry Pratchett

For those of you who love their cats….

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I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Giddy Up! Horse Jokes

  • What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!close up of horse face
  • How long should a horse’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground!
  • What do you ask a sad horse? Why the long face?
  • Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? She always said neigh! 
  • What type of story does a runaway horse tell? A tale of whoa!
  • What did one horse say to the other horse? The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane! 
  • Yikes!

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