You’d have to be a stiff not to appreciate these great mummy jokes we dug up:
- Why don’t mummies have many friends? They are too wrapped up in themselves!
- What is a mummy’s favorite type of music? Rap music!
- Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
- Who is the best mummy wrapper in all of Egypt? The Wizard of Gauze!
- Who changed King Tut’s diapers? His Mummy!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for mummies, daddies, and everyone else!
It is time to reach in to the closet and bring out the skeleton jokes.
- Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts!
- Why don’t skeletons like parties? No body to dance with!
- Who was the winner of the skeleton beauty contest? No body!
- What do skeletons say before they eat? Bone Appetite!
- Why can’t skeletons play music in church? Because they have no organs!
- What is a skeleton’s favorite dish at a Chinese restaurant? Spare ribs!
- Who is a skeleton’s favorite emperor? Napoleon Boneaparte!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for those times when the thought counts but fun counts even more!
- Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on. River Phoenix
- Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. Steve Almond
- On Halloween parents send their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield
- Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting. Lorna Luft
- Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story. Mason Cooley
- I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Author Unknown
- There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask. Colette
- Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special. Chris Rock
- A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. Erma Bombeck
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages!
- Do zombies eat their dinner with their fingers? No they eat their fingers separately!
- What’s a zombie’s favorite meal? A MANwich!
- What did the zombie do after she dumped her boyfriend? Wiped her butt!
- Why was the zombie expelled from school? He kept buttering up his teacher!
- What does a zombie look for in a girlfriend? Someone with a pulse and plenty of brains!
- How do patriotic zombies serve their country? They join the Marine Copse!
- What did the zombie say to his friend after he ate the comedian? This tastes funny!
- What does it take to become a zombie?DEAdication!
- Why did the zombie put arsenic on his Wheaties? Because he was a cereal killer!
- Why did the zombie have to stop teaching? He only had one pupil!
Celebrate the season with a treat-filled care package from Mirth in a Box!
photo credit: Johann Stollmeier ZOMBIE WALK via photopin (license)
I will not comment. The quotes speak for themselves:
- No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. Abraham Lincoln
- Time spent with cats is never wasted. Sigmund Freud
- In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. Terry Pratchett
- Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. Jim Davis
- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. Joseph Wood Krutch
- Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal. Eddie Izzard
- Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. Anonymous
Send a gift from Mirth in a Box when the thought counts but the fun counts even more!!!
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We’ve got a cauldron full of witch jokes that are sure to make your tricker or treaters groan with pleasure!
- Why was the witch kicked out of school? She flunked spelling!
- Is it possible to tell twin witches apart? Nope. No one can tell which witch is which!
- Why do witches fly around on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
- What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch? Being her broom!
- What do you call two witches that live together?Broom mates!
- What kinds of tests do witches take? Hex-aminations!
- Why shouldn’t angry witches ride their broomsticks? They might fly off the handle!
- What do you call a sweet, gentle witch? A failure!
- Why won’t a witch wear a flat-topped hat? Because there is no point in it!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages. Check out our Gypsy Witch Fortune cards, too!
Sometimes Halloween parties can be just plain dead! Get your sheet-faced guests groaning with a few of these transparently silly ghost jokes:
- Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?Because you can see right through him!
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? I scream!
- What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people? Poultrygeist!
- What do you do when you see a ghost? Run away!
- Which kind of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo boos!
- What did the ghost say when his girlfriend put on a new designer sheet? You look boooo-tiful!
- What is the first thing a ghost does when she gets in to her car? Fastens her sheet belt!
- Which streets are ghosts’ favorite haunting spots? Dead ends!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages! Send one today!
Did you know that September 29th is International Coffee Day? I have never needed a reason to start my day with a cup, or two, of coffee. Not wanting to be a party pooper I plan to celebrate Coffee Day by having my coffee hot in the morning, iced in the afternoon and mochaed in the evening. How about you?
- I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. Flash Rosenberg
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Stephen Wright
- Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. Anonymous
- A morning without coffee is like sleep. Anonymous
- My blood type is Folgers. Anonymous
- I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. Stephen Wright
- I like my coffee like I like my women, In a plastic cup. Eddie Izzard
- If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsover. David Letterman
May we suggest sending one of our funny and functional coffee mugs to your favorite coffee drinker? Or better yet, get a set for yourself! We also have a coin purse shaped like the iconic NYC takeout coffee cup (my person favorite). Mirth in a Box sells care packages and gifts when the thought counts but the fun counts even more!
Can we talk? Joan Rivers at her best:
- I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
- He who limps is still walking.
- I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
- Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Posted in Humor, Quotes
Tagged Beauty and exercise, comedian, custom gift boxes, funny gifts, funny women, Joan Rivers, jokes, Mirth in a Blog, Mirth in a Box, one liners, quotes, wacky gifts
Every year people around the world celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day on September 19th. Really. Arrrrrrr you ready?
- Why do pirates wear eye patches? Because they can’t afford iPads!
- Why did the pirate stay in the head for so long? Because he had the ships!
- What is a pirate’s favorite vegetable? Arrrrrugala!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a parade? Da Balloons!
- Who cleans a pirate captain’s quarters? A mermaid!
- Which card games do pirates like best? Gin and Rummy!
- What did the dyslexic pirate say? Raaaaaaaa!
- What is a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrrrrrt!
- Which movies do pirates like best? Arrrrrrrr-rated ones!
- What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns!
- Which kind of ships do pirates avoid? RelationSHIPS!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for college students, summer campers, and anyone in need of good cheer!
photo credit: FNK_3419 (Copy) via photopin (license)