- When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck
- I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’Joan Rivers
- Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes. P. J. O’Rourke
- Every year for my birthday she(my mom) would make me a cake from scratch, and then she would let me lick the egg beaters. And then she would turn them on, and that would hurt my tongue. Gene Pompa
- The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin
- My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. Jack Nicholson
- Nobody loves me but my mother,/And she could be jivin’ too. B. B. King
- I’m friends with my mom. I get along with her real well. Now that I’m old enough to have children, I’m regretting virtually everything I said to her until I was 30. Brett Butler
- My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia. Dame Edna Everage
- My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett
- Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Rita Rudner
- I don’t think I’ll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother’s Day – a doctor for a son-in-law. Melanie White
Happy Mothers’ Day, Everyone!
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