Monthly Archives: May 2015

The 10 Funniest Quotes About Golf

These are my favorites. What are your? Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark Twain If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. Bob Hope If you think … Continue reading

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Oxymorons: Seriously Funny

 Oxymorons (actually the plural is oxymora but I have never heard anyone ever use that term) are figures of speech that combine contradictory words. Which are your favorites? Terribly good Student Teacher Old news Crash landing Definite maybe Resident alien Paid … Continue reading

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Pachyderm Puns!

If it doesn’t involve a trunk it’s irrelephant! How do you raise a baby elephant? With a forklift! What do you do with a green elephant? Wait till it ripens! Why are elephants so poor? Because they work for peanuts! … Continue reading

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Only Robinson Caruso Had Everything Done by Friday!

What are you doing this weekend? Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.  Bill Watterson There aren’t enough days in the weekend.  Rod Schmidt Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; … Continue reading

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Memorial Day Agenda of A Raincloud by a Very Young Alex Berg

Oh boy- looks like a nice day out, huh? Partly sunny, not too hot. About 75 degrees. Breezy. Seems like this Memorial Day parade’s gonna go off without a hitch, doesn’t it? I can hear the Fairfield High School marching … Continue reading

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Look What We Dug Up! Dinosaur Jokes!

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! What did dinosuars wear to the beach? Crocs! Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent! Why did velociraptors eat raw … Continue reading

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I’m Digging These Garden Quotes!

All I want to do is garden all day long! Alas, I do not. If you have a  garden and a library, you have everything you need. Cicero A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they … Continue reading

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“Tom Swifties Again” Tom Recited (Get It?)

“3.142,” Tom enumerated piously. “This is the Netherlands,” Tom stated flatly. “Boy, that sure took the wind out of my sails!” Tom said disgustedly. “Congratulations. You graduated,” Tom said diplomatically. “I can’t believe you set off the dynamite!” Tom said … Continue reading

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Farm Fresh Jokes

Picked just for you! Why did the farmer give an award to the scarecrow? He was outstanding in his field! Why don’t farmers pamper their cows? They would produce spoiled milk! What does the farmer say to his cows when … Continue reading

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Wise, Witty, Wimsical Proverbs about Mothers from Around the World

Every beetle is a gazelle in the eyes of its mother. Moorish Proverb God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. Jewish Proverb When the mother monkey leaves her baby to fall, one must not blame the dried … Continue reading

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