The newly launched WTF (What The F*@%&) network is hosting an open casting call for Episode 4 (Thanksgiving Dinner) of its latest reality show, “Home for the Holidays“. Please bring proper ID, head shots, breakfast, lunch and dinner, pillow, sleeping bag, collapsible arm chair, and appropriate reading materials.
The following parts will be cast:
Host: Greying male 50 to 60 years old—Large and loud, buffoonish sense of self-importance.
Hostess: Apple-shaped female 50 to 60 years old—Passive aggressive behavior considered an asset.
Daughter: Female mid-20s—Charmingly neurotic.
Son: Male, mid-20s—Of ambiguous sexual orientation.
Child: either sex, 4-6 years old. Requirements:exceptionally attractive, biracial, precocious and should possess perfect table manners.
Family dog—older, flatulent and drooling, unneutered, able to leg hump on cue.
Neighbor: Female, 30-40 years old—Of low self esteem, cat-lover, either excessively thin or extremely over weight.
Brother of host: Male 40-60 years old—Big Lewbowki-esque physique & approach to life.
Sister of hostess: Female 60-70 years old—Leathery skin and raspy voice of life-long smoker; alcoholism a plus.
Nephew:(Host’s sister-in-law’s son): Male, late 20s. OCD tics encouraged.
Sister of host: Female mid-50s—healthy, well groomed, over-Botoxed with lip filler, Blinding white teeth. This is the new mother of brilliant, adopted, adorable biracial child.
Niece: Hostess’s sister’s child. 12 to 13 years old—Expert eye rolling and audible deep sighs necessary. Acne preferred.
Nephew: Son of sister of host, 17-20 years old—must burp on cue.
Male 80-90 years old—Incontinence an asset, must be willing to remove hearing devices and use ear trumpet.
If chosen, cast members must be immediately available to film episode, sign hold harmless document, and agree to eat mincemeat pie.