Jack Benny One Liners

Jack Benny was known for his dry wit. He often punctuated his stand up show with short Violinriffs from his ubiquitous violin. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  • Nothing funny happened to me on the way to the theater tonight, so good night.
  • I went to see one of those X-rated pictures the other night, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. So I stayed to see it a second time.
  • A cannibal is a guy who goes in the restaurant and orders the waiter.
  • Ham SandwichesHors D’oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
  • Timing is not so much knowing when to speak, but when to pause.

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