The Lighter Side of Hanukkah: Funny Quotes

Who would have thought there would be a dearth of funny quotes about Hanukkah? Hanukkah CandlesLewis Black, bless that man, has produced the lion’s share of material here:

  • I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, ‘You know. I don’t think I’m gonna be Jewish for very long”. Lewis Black
  • Thanksgiving used to be Thanksgiving, and it was its own holiday, not Christmas: Part 1. When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, ‘Let’s go shopping’. Lewis Black
  • When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there’s no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an eraser, a notebook. It’s a Back-to-School holiday! Lewis Black
  • Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call. Richard Lewis
  • In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’  or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall! Dave Barry
  • I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. Henny Youngman
  • When life gives you latkes, you’ve got oil-fried potatoes. Yasha Harari
  • My family wasn’t very religious; on Hanukkah, they had a menorah on a dimmer.Richard Lewis

Don’t worry. I have not forgotten Adam Sandler’s Chanukah Song. That’s next.

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