Most people will soon be spending at least a bit of quality time with their families. A quick look around found that, though mothers-in-law bore the brunt of most jokes, no member of the family was immune. Here’s a few of our favorites jokes & one liners about relatives:
- My sister was with two men in one night… she could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine – two dinners! Sarah Silverman
- Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. Linus van Pelt
- I wish I had a twin so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery. Joan Rivers
- My brother wants to work badly! As I remember, he usually does! Anonymous
- My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck? Anonymous
- Big Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner. Little Brother: Why? Is it broken? Anonymous
- My dad drives so slow that when we’re on the highway, Amish people give us the finger. Dan Rosen
- Father: Don’t you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine. Anonymous
- I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep—not screaming and terrified like his passengers. Anonymous
- You might be a redneck if… your parents met at a family reunion. Jeff Foxworthy
In Laws (Just a few. Next Monday’s post will be all in law jokes)
- One cannibal says to the other: “I can’t stand my mother-in-law.” The other says: “Why don’t you just eat the vegetables?”
- A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like YOUR mother-in-law better than I like mine!”
- Did you hear the one about the cannibal who got married, and at the wedding reception, toasted his mother-in-law?
- Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents? Archie Bunker
- Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.P. J. O’Rourke
- My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self defence. Fred Allen
All the Rest!
- Where there’s a will, there’s a relative. Anonymous
- I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.Fred Allen
- We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet. Rita Rudner
Thank you to donovak and CygnusX1 from Flickr.com for the family photos!