- I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
- I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine. (Did you know she was a dancer before she was a comedian? Maybe this is true!)
- I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.
- They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.
- I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
- I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself “well, that’s not going to happen”.
Check out Rita Rudner’s official site at www.RitaFunny.com.