Rita Rudner Quotes

  • I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.Picasso
  • I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine. (Did you know she was a dancer before she was a comedian? Maybe this is true!)
  • I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.
  • They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.
  • I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
  • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself “well, that’s not going to happen”.

Check out Rita Rudner’s official site at www.RitaFunny.com.

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