Phyllis Diller on Motherhood

94-year-old Phyllis Diller didn’t start her career in comedy until she was in her late 30’s. Phyllis DillerRaising 6 children gave her plenty of material. Here are a few of Diller’s observations on her days as a housewife:

  • My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
  • Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
  • Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
  • I’m beginning to have morning sickness. I’m not having a baby, I’m just sick of morning.
  • We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
  • The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
  • I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

She was recently heard to say, “I still take the Pill ’cause I don’t want anymore grandchildren,”

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