Phyllis Diller on Motherhood

94-year-old Phyllis Diller didn’t start her career in comedy until she was in her late 30’s. Phyllis DillerRaising 6 children gave her plenty of material. Here are a few of Diller’s observations on her days as a housewife:

  • My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
  • Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
  • Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
  • I’m beginning to have morning sickness. I’m not having a baby, I’m just sick of morning.
  • We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
  • The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
  • I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

She was recently heard to say, “I still take the Pill ’cause I don’t want anymore grandchildren,”

Looking for a fun and unusual gift? Mirth in a Box has over 40 premade gift boxes including Minivan Mom Survival Kit and Happy Mothers Day. What to create your own special gift box? Check out Build Your Own Gift Box.

 

This entry was posted in Humor, One Liners and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *