Lactose Intolerance Deemed a Psychosomatic Illness

Mirth in a Box exclusive! The NMPF(National Milk Producers Federation) funded a yearlong study, which


Now drink your milk!

concluded that Lactose Intolerance is really a psychosomatic illness. “These self-pitying milk haters have been bent on smearing the good name of dairy farmers everywhere.” claimed Elsie the Cow who continued on to say,” A bunch of fringe lunatics have faked nausea, vomiting and diarrhea in a pathetic attempt to gain attention and sympathy from friends and family because they have nothing else that warrants notice”.

Elsie did concede that the “lactose intolerant” test subjects produced higher levels of methane gas than the control group prompting her to snort, “When we change our tag line to “Got Gas?” we know where to look for poster children.”

As of press time the American Psychiatric Association would not comment if plans were afoot to include lactose intolerance in the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM).

Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual gift boxes for people of all dietary persuasions (including vegans!).

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2 Responses to Lactose Intolerance Deemed a Psychosomatic Illness

  1. Elsie says:

    I am so glad to see this very important study. I only know two people who are “lactose intolerant” (right!) and both are nutcases. One is a lawyer — so say no more! And the other is this quiet, reclusive woman who never attracts ANY attention, despite her big hips. Don’t tell me she doesn’t eat cheese!

    • Gay says:

      I smell a rat! Yes, the dairy defense being used by a lawyer? Pretty cheesy! We asked Elsie what she thought about a battleship-hipped recluse, not a typical lactose loather, but she was not in the moo-d to comment.

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