Punxsutaney, PA .
Punxsutaney police worked closely with US Army special ops forces to help foil a plot intended to wipe out all groundhogs in the North American Continent. Milton Yermouth, Weather Channel anchor and avid gardener, allegedly planned to exterminate all Marmota monax (ground hogs) by detonating a sophisticated network of underground bombs. Naturally such an attack would also claim the lives of thousands of innocent burrowers and earthworms. Ground hogs, aka woodchucks, pig whistles or land beavers, are said to be able to predict the end of winter just by observing shadows cast on Feb 2nd. Yermouth had told friends that is was all a scam perpetrated by charlatans and TV station owners with slow news days. Not only did he feel threatened by the loss of his lime light but he had complained bitterly about the damage these rodents had done to his garden last year.
Neighbors described Mr Yermouth as quiet, squirrelly and occasionally pleasant. The Weather Channel’s parent company, LMAO, had little to say except, “What did you expect? He was a weatherman.”