A Loner’s Guide to Valentine’s Day
As Valentine’s Day approaches, we find it is important to remind you that today is not just about those who are caught in a lover’s gaze. No. You too are special! You are awesome! You don’t need someone else to validate how great you are, not in a world where there are so many mirrors and other reflective surfaces into which you can, at any moment, give yourself a loving wink and quick smoochey face. Not sure that you can pull it off? Well we are! Here are a few tips to make what could be an incredibly depressing day extremely impressing! To you, by you!
1- Make yourself breakfast in bed!
Nothing says “I care about you!” more than breakfast in bed, and it’s a lot easier to accomplish than you think! Before you go to bed, place your favorite granola bar (still wrapped!) under your pillow. By the time your alarm goes off, you’ll have a nice, head-temperature sweet treat waiting for you! Sweets for the sweet!
2- Treat yourself to a fancy coffee on your way into work or whatever it is you do during the day!
Do you regularly guilt yourself out of a fancymocchapcinatte in the morning? Well don’t! Today is special, so drop the six dollars for your fancy drink and don’t even think twice about the calories. Who are you trying to impress? That’s right…YOU! Don’t forget the extra whipped cream, lover boy or girl!
We’re all guilty of raiding the office supply cabinet for the best sticky notes, right? Well, put those bad boys to use by leaving yourself sweet notes like “Sweet mustache!” and “Don’t forget to pay your Best Buy Card bill by tomorrow! <3” to show that you really care, and you’re always on your mind! TIP: Stick some in drawers, under keyboards, on the paws of your cat and in shirt pockets to keep these surprises coming for weeks! Meeeeow!
4- Don’t cry outloud!
The song was right; just keep it inside! By keeping your emotions bottled up, you’ll gain a desirable, rosey complexion. So the next time you’re feeling sad and alone, just let your blood pressure rise and your face get flushed. Who is that foxy man or lady? Wink! It’s you!
5- Try something new for dinner!
Going to restaurants alone is something only advernturous types widows and Zooey Daschanel would do, so stop by your local supermarket and buy some ingredients you’ve never cooked with before. Lobster? Do it! Steal-cut oats? Why not! Yuca Root? More like Yumma-Root! Don’t forget some bakery-fresh bread, a bag salad, and yogurt parfait for one, you dare devil!
6- Hit the drug stores quickly on February 15th!
At midnight, you certainly won’t be turning into a pumpkin, so take a stroll down to your 24-hour drugstore of choice. That’s right, dear Valentine – half-off chocolate! And it’s the next day, so it’s ok to cry now. Just in time for a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon on E! we bet. Don’t forget the tissues!
Now that wasn’t so bad, was it? These things don’t have to apply to just Valentine’s Day: in fact, everytime you get a wedding invitation, or notice that more of your friends on facebook are getting engaged, we encourage you to just go all out and get fancy with yourself using our handy guide. You deserve it!
Jessica Kent performed improv for a couple of years in North Carolina and has now moved to that comedy mecca, Chicago, to further perfect her craft. She is also an amazing writer so check our her blog, Let’s Go to Dollywood. Jessica is also on Twitter @Ker_Pow. Thanks Jessica!