Hopes and Aspirations of a Shopping Mall Santa

Shopping Mall Santa ClausThis is an old post from one of my favorite bloggers, Alex Berg, who briefly had a blog called Microanalysis. Alas for us, he has moved on to better things including paid writing gigs.

Hopes and Aspirations of a Shopping Mall Santa Claus:

  • To work up the courage to ask for a freebie from Cinnabon.
  • To save up enough money to purchase an air-condiitioned Santa suit.
  • The spread more holiday cheer than the new SantaTron 2200, a kindly old automatron which has been putting more and more shopping mall Santas out of business in recent years.
  • To grow enough facial hair before next season to not have to wear the standard issue monofilament beard, which is itchy.
  • To learn the first and last names of all eight reindeer, thus proving to each and every doubting Thomas that they are indeed sitting on the true Santa’s lap.
  • To remember to save dry cleaning receipts so that they can be written off as a work expenditure.
  • To avoid repeating the “Ho ho ha” incident of December 16th, 1997, wherein a misplaced sylable of laughter was responsible for a stampede of panicking holiday shoppers and garnished wages.
  • To make it through all twelve days of Christmas without being urinated upon by a screaming child who “Just wants {his} mommy.”
Mirth in a Box knows how stressful mall shopping can be so we suggest that you visit our site this year. We have lots of wonderful gift boxes, care packages, presents and a huge selection of great stocking stuffers. 
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