Prometheus Voices A Concern by Alex Berg

"Griepenkerl- Theft of Fire" by Christian Griepenkerl - found online [2], James Steakley. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Griepenkerl-_Theft_of_Fire.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Griepenkerl-_Theft_of_Fire.jpg

“Griepenkerl- Theft of Fire” by Christian Griepenkerl

Zeus? Can we talk for a second about this punishment you’ve meted out for me? And, before I begin, I am sorry about the whole giving fire to mankind thing. I didn’t think you’d take it like you did, and I know you’re upset, so I’m not going to sit here and butt heads with you about whether or not I should be chained to this mountain for 30,000 years, having my eternally regenerating liver pecked out daily by Ethon the giant eagle-monster. I know I’ll lose that argument, so I’m not even going to try. I just wanted to voice what I feel is a legitimate concern: I feel that my continual lack of a liver may have a deleterious effect on my health.

I don’t know how much you know about livers, Zeus, but I’m sure you can

Dirck_van_Baburen,_Prometheus_Being_Chained_by_Vulcan_Rijksmuseum,_Amsterdam

Prometheus Being Chained by Vulcan-Dirck van Baburen

appreciate the fact that it’s a major organ. It plays a major role in metabolism. Now, I know that since I’ve been chained to this rock I haven’t been eating as much as I used to, so my need to have an organ which secretes bile to help break down fats is admittedly diminished. However, the liver serves many functions beyond the aiding of digestion, including but not limited to the conversion of ammonia to urea and breaking down hemoglobin. These are necessary processes that all bodies must carry out, and I fear that my liver simply can’t do them while Ethon the giant eagle-monster is pecking it out.

Besides, I stand at a constant risk of infection. Even with Deucalion faithfully tending to my liver-wound every day, my innards are being continually exposed to eagle bacteria and the outside world. The resulting infection may very well trigger a hepatitis attack or primary sclerosing cholangitis. Despite the fact that I will regrow a new liver free of these diseases as soon as my current one was been eaten, the liver’s importance in the digestive system ensures that the systemic damages caused by these maladies may plague me for some time to come. I understand that you’re upset with me, but do you really want to live with the guilt of being responsible for giving a titan biliary cirrhosis? I don’t think that you do.

ZeusMaybe I should have said something sooner, but if- just for the sake of my liver- you could alter my punishment ever so slightly. If you just want me to experience terrible pain day in and day out, fine. I’ll regenerate whatever that lousy eagle eats, so it shouldn’t matter. Have Ethon eat off all of my toes, for instance. Or my fingers. Heck, he can even eat my nose, ears, and lips for all I care, but my liver is too important of an organ to be toyed with so lightly. For that matter, so are my heart and lungs. Frankly, I’d prefer if all of my internal organs could be put on the “do not eat” list. Thanks.

Or, if you really insist on having my liver removed over and over again, why don’t we find a better way to do it so that we can give the old livers to people who need transplants? I’m sure that there’s scores of hemochromatosis and hepatocellular carcinoma sufferers out there who’d like to have a titan’s liver in place of their own. This is just wasteful. Ethon doesn’t even care for the taste of liver. He told me. Well, just a thought. It might help people remember you as “Zeus, bringer of livers to the ill” instead of “Zeus, who occasionally takes human form to seduce temple virgins.” Just a thought.

Tell you what- I’ll let you sleep on it. You don’t need to make a decision one way or the other right now, but mull it over tonight and see how you feel about it in the morning. When you figure out what you want to do, just let me know. I’ll be right here- chained to the side of Mount Caucasus, screaming and writhing in agony as my tender liver is deftly pecked out of my side. And hey, Zeus- thanks for listening.

This post pilfered from Alex Berg’s old blog, Microanalysis.

Can’t exactly remember the myth of Prometheus? Here’s a short version.

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It’s Talk Like A Pirate Day! Friday Sept 19, 2014

Yep! Friday is  “Talk Like A Pirate Day” once again. Here’s a treasuretalk like a piratetrove of pirate jokes:

  • What is a pirate’s favorite vegetable? Arrrrrugala!
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball play? A hook shot!
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite fish? A goldfish!
  • What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns!
  • What is a pirate’s favorite subject?
Arrrrrrt!
  • Why did the pirate stay in the head for so long? Because he had the ships!
  •  Why do pirates wear eye patches? Because they can’t afford iPads!
  • Which movies do pirates like best? Arrrrrgh rated ones!
  • How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?
A buccaneer!
  • What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?  High Seas!
  • Which kind of ships give pirates the most trouble? Relationships!

Care to know the history of this auspicious day? Read the official story from TalkLikeaPirate.com

Here’s a very interesting article on Pirates in Literature from The New York Review if Books.

Mirth in a Box sells super fun care packages for pirates, land lubbers and everyone else!

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6 Great Quotes About College

  • There isn’t a child who hasn’t gone out into the brave new world who Einstein College Quoteeventually doesn’t return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.  Art Buchwald
  • Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.
 G.K. Chesterson
  • A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000. Leonard L. Levinson
  • A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.  Theodore Roosevelt
  • The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. Aristotle
  • If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education. go to the library. Frank Zappa

Did you know that Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for college students? Well, we sure do! Check us out!

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Get an A+ in Study Posture!

bad study positions

No! No! No!

Improper posture for prolonged periods of time while studying (or playing video games!) can cause a host of physiological problems including neck & back pain, brain fog, heart disease, varicose veins and even increased insulin levels.

proper_ergonomicsTips for improving your posture while studying:

  1. Get off the couch – Slumping over your computer while on the couch or futon causes unnecessary stress on your spine. Unstable surfaces like couch cushions don’t provide the proper support for your pelvis.
  2. Use the rule of 90/90 – While sitting at a table or desk, you should sit with your knees at a 90 degree angle, and your hips at a 90 degree angle. Using an exercise ball instead of a chair can help encourage this position, while simultaneously working on your core – also perfect for helping to prevent the dreaded freshman 15!

    Bad_Posture

    No way!!!!

  3. Sit up straight – your shoulders should be pushed back and directly over those hips. Your ears should line up directly over your shoulders.
  4. Check your computer screen height – If you’re using a computer, the screen should be about an arm’s length in front of you at eye level. If you’re reading from a book and taking notes, prop up the book on a stand so you’re not constantly looking down.

Bonus tip: Take breaks at least once every hour! Get up and take a walk around your dorm or the library – it’s a great way to stay focused longer AND meet some new friends! There are some great computer and phone apps that remind you to take breaks like Stand Up!   or StandApp

Dr Cristina Poulos is a chiropractor at Stamford Balance in Stamford, CT. Gee thanks for these great tips! Think I need to get out of some of these positions too!

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5 Classic Knock Knock Jokes

Someone asked me to list my 5 favorite Knock Knock jokes. These made the cut:

Knock Knock!vintage front door
Who’s there?
Madame.
Madame who?
Madame foot’s caught in the door!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Boo hoo.
Boo hoo who?
Aww don’t cry, its just a joke!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Eva!
Eva who?
Eva told you would you let me in?

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Gesundheit! Sounds like you’re getting a cold!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Somebody too short to ring the doorbell!

Now it is your turn! Tell me your favorite Knock Knock jokes!

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We Will Miss You, Joan Rivers!

Over the years I have used quite a few of Joan Rivers‘ zingers. Here’s a Joan Riversmini homage to one of my favorite funny ladies:

Doctors:

  • A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
  • I had a cold and my doctor recommended coffee enemas. I can never go back to StarBucks.
  • You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
  • You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
  • Don’t talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass.

Fashion Insults:

  • I give this look two middle fingers up!
  • The last time I saw this much thigh meat was on trash day a Chick-Fil-A.
  • The pattern! Does this or does this not look like a cake decorated by a crackhead?
  • She’s got more junk in her trunk than a full season of “Storage Wars”.
  • Her chest is flatter than Kirstie Alley’s sofa cushions.
  • I’ve seen better coats on a dog with mange.

Battle of the Bulge:

  • Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
  • I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
  • The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
  • I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them

On Getting Older:

  • Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
  • Looking 50 is great-if you are 60.
  • My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
  • Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery.

Relationships:

  • The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
  • My daughter and I are very close. We speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, ‘Pick up, I know you’re there.’ And she says the same thing back, ‘How’d you get this new number?’
  • Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones.
  • My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
  • I wish I had a twin so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

Thank you, Joan!

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Who Said That? Dog Quotes

Match the quote with the person. Good luck!dog

  1. To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. 
 
  2. The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can’t afford a yes man.
  3. Mad dogs and Englishmen
 go out in the midday sun.  
  4. He that lieth with the dogs, riseth with fleas.
  5. He’s got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he’s reading the blasted things.  
  6. DogI loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
  7. The cat will mew and the dog will have his day.

And the answers are: 1. Aldous Huxley (British writer 20th c) 2.Robertson Davies (one of my favorite authors of all time! Canadian 20th c) 3.  Noel Coward (British playwright 20th c) 4. George Herbert (Welsh poet 17th c) 5.  Honore de Balzac (French writer/playwright 19thc) 6. August Strindberg (Ugh! Iconoclastic Swedish playwright late 19th/early 20th c) 7. William Shakespeare (If you stayed awake in high school English class you know this guy. 1564-1616)

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Many thanks to Tambako the Jaguar via Flickr.

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Mug Cake Recipes: Some Easy, Some Not, All Delicious!

It took me a minute or two to grasp the concept of a mug cake. These tasty treats evolved from the popularity of cupcakes. Some true genius decided to create a one person cake that could be mixed and microwaved in a coffee mug. Instant gratification at its best! Here’s a few of the best recipes I found on Pinterest:

NutellaNutella Mug Cake - There are many iterations of this classic. I liked this  version because it only had 6 ingredients (Nutella, egg, vanilla extract, almond meal, salt & chocolate chips) and takes one minute to cook! Scroll through the pictures to get to the recipe: Nutella Mug Cake from kirantarun.com

Chocolate S’Mores Mug Cake- This is a bit more complicated than Mug Cakethe first recipe but my stomach growls just reading this recipe! Definitely add the graham cracker crust! Chocolate S’Mores Mug Cake from HowSweetEats.com.

4 Ingredient Mug Cake-  Need an EASY recipe? This recipe from KirbieCravings.com is for you! Just add chocolate chips, skim milk,flour and baking powder!

Low Carb Protein Mug Cake- Are you lactose intolerant? Do you have gluten issues? This Paleo recipe is simple and good for you! Low Carb Protein Mug Cake from Melfy Cooks Healthy.

collge care package ideaBerrylicious Microwave Minute Muffin - What a way to start the morning! Quick cook oats, an egg, blueberries, almond milk and Stevia! That’s it! Done and out the door in 5 minutes!

What are your favorite mug cake recipes? Have you tried any of these?

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Open Wide for These Dentist Jokes!

My dentist knows every one of these jokes and more!dentist

  • What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea? Denis.
  • What are the six most frightening words in the world? “The Dentist will see you now.”
  • Why didn’t the dentist ask his secretary out? He was already taking out a tooth!
  • What was the dentist doing in Panama? Looking for the Root Canal!
  • What is the difference between a dentist and a sadist? A dentist has newer magazines!
  • What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan? One yanks for the roots; the other roots for the Yanks!

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $350.00.
Patient: $350.00 for a few minutes work?
Dentist: I can pull it our very slowly if you would like!

Want more dentist jokes? Go ask your dentist or check out Dentist! Take These Without Novocaine!

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Oops! I Did it Again: Quotes About Mistakes

Some days the only things I accomplish are making mistakes!mistakes happen

  • Never mistake motion for action. Ernest Hemingway
  • The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. John C. Maxwell
  • The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork. Oscar Wilde
  • Your best teacher is your last mistake. Ralph Nadar
  • A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. Albert Einstein
  • Better a diamond with a flaw than a perfect pebble. Confucius
  • It’s always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile. Garry Marshall

Arghh! How do you feel when you make a mistake?

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