Ahhhh! Tis the season to plant and pick!
- The fairest thing in nature, a flower, still has its roots in earth and manure. D. H. Lawrence
- The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden. Ray D. Everson
- The hum of bees is the voice of the garden. Elizabeth Lawrence
- You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think. Dorothy Parker
- To see things in the seed, that is genius. Lao Tzu
- Earth laughs in flowers. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- I bought an ant farm. I don’t know where I am going to get a tractor that small! Steven Wright
- I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight.Rita Rudner
- I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. Richard Diran
- Gardens say,/Slow down,/Look around you,/Believe,/Hope. Zoraida Rivera Morales
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for college students, summer campers, and anyone who need some good cheer.
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Because they are so CORNY! But that has never stopped me….
- What did the big flower say to the small flower? What’s up, bud!
- What is green and goes to a summer camp? A Brussels’ scout!
- Why did the Golden Delicious go to jail? Because he was a rotten apple!
- Why did the gardener quit?Because his celery wasn’t high enough!
- Where did the vegetables go to have a few drinks? The salad bar!
- What vegetable do you need a plumber for? A leek!
- What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don’t eat broccoli!
- Why did the potatoes get a divorce? Because they couldn’t see eye to eye!
- Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled!
- What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato!
- Why do melons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
- What’s green a sharp shooter? Annie Okra!
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing!
- What do you get if you cross a dog with a daisy? A colli-flower!
- Why couldn’t the gardener grow any flowers? Because he hadn’t botany!
- How do you stop moles from digging in your garden? Take away their shovels!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages. Check us out and send one today!!
photo credit: Guardian of the temple via photopin (license)
In honor of “The Revenant”
- What do grizzly bears call mountain bike riders? Meals on wheels!
- What did the grizzly bear say when he saw some campers in sleeping bags? Yum! Hot Pockets!
- Why don’t grizzly bears like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
- What do you call a grizzly with no teeth? A gummy bear!
- How do you keep a grizzly from charging? Only accept cash!
- What do you call a grizzly bear in a phone booth? Stuck!
- What did the grizzly bear eat after the dentist fixed his teeth? The dentist!
- What do you get when you cross a skunk with a grizzly bear? Winnie the PU!
Know any summer campers? Send them one of our funny and unusual camp care packages!
- The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. Plutarch
- Education is no substitute for intelligence. Frank Herbert
- You can never be overdressed or overeducated. Oscar Wilde
- Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. Robert Frost
- In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. Fran Lebowitz
- Children must be taught how to think, not what to think. Margaret Mead
- It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Confucius
- Don’t tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you traveled. Mohammed
- There are two educations. One should teach us how to make a living and the other how to live. John Adams
- There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. Will Rogers
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for all ages of kids…and the young at heart. Please check out our website!
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Posted in Quotes, Uncategorized
Tagged Confucius, education, Fran Lebowitz, Frank Herbert, graduation, john adams, learning, margaret Mead, mohammed, Oscar Wilde, Plutarch, quotes, Robert Frost, Will Rogers, William Butler Yeats
Move over, Robin!
- What do you do for a sick bird? Take it for tweetment!
- Why was the lord of the manor and the gamekeeper upset? The pheasants were revolting!
- How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side!
- Which bird helps the stork deliver twins? The crane!
- Why do hummingbirds hum? They don’t know the words!
- Why does a stork stand on one leg? If he lifted the other one he would fall down!
- Why do geese fly south in the winter? Because it is too far to walk!
- When is the best time to buy a bird? When it’s cheep!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for birds of all most any feather!
- When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck
- I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’Joan Rivers
- Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes. P. J. O’Rourke
- Every year for my birthday she(my mom) would make me a cake from scratch, and then she would let me lick the egg beaters. And then she would turn them on, and that would hurt my tongue. Gene Pompa
- The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin
- My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. Jack Nicholson
- Nobody loves me but my mother,/And she could be jivin’ too. B. B. King
- I’m friends with my mom. I get along with her real well. Now that I’m old enough to have children, I’m regretting virtually everything I said to her until I was 30. Brett Butler
- My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia. Dame Edna Everage
- My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett
- Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Rita Rudner
- I don’t think I’ll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother’s Day – a doctor for a son-in-law. Melanie White
Happy Mothers’ Day, Everyone!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages! Got a mom who needs some cheering up? Send her some Mirth! Are you a mom burdened with guilt that your child is at college, camp or boarding school? Relieve it with one of our fun boxes!
Posted in Humor, Quotes
Tagged B B King, Brett Butler, Buddy Hacket, Calvin Trillin, comedians, Dame Edna Everage, Erma Bombeck, funny quotes, Gene Pompa, Jack Nicholson, Joan Rivers, Melanie White, Mothers Day, PJ O' Rourke, Rita Rudner
Walk into a bar. Make direct eye contact with the bartender, but say nothing. Leave the bar so that the bartender cannot see your exit, either through a back door or bathroom window. Make note of the exact date and time at which you entered the bar, and also of what you are wearing. For the next twenty years, travel back in time to that same day and enter the bar one minute later than you entered the year before, wearing the same outfit. If properly executed, the bartender will see twenty versions of you, each slightly older than the last, walk past and nod him hello, over the course of twenty minutes. For added effect, come back to the bar 21 minutes after your initial visit and order a beer. Act like nothing has happened, and staunchly deny that you have been in the bar before. If your future self was committed enough, the bartender’s mind will be blown.
Creating A Paradox
Perform the Deja-Vu prank as outlined above. If the bartender’s mind is blown when you reenter the bar at the 21st minute, indicating a dutiful and time-travelling future you, destroy your time travel device right then and there, thus rendering full completion of the prank impossible. Sit back and relax as spacetime itself is rent asunder by the power of your intentions.
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages. Send one today, tomorrow or yesterday.
Thank you, Alex Berg of UCB, for this post I swiped from you really old blog, Microanalysis.
photo credit: Festina via photopin (license)
Well, well, well. Twas tough to find a few PG-rated jokes about mothers!
- Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
- What did the digital clock say to his mother? Look Ma! No hands!
- What did the baby Egyptian say when he got lost? I want my mummy!
- What do you call a very small mother? Minimum!
- Daughter: Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? Mother: I don’t know. Ask your grandma!
- Why shouldn’t women have children after 35? Because 36 children are too many!
- Why didn’t the little girl ever want to have children? She heard they took 9 months to download.
- What did the mother broom say to her daughter? It’s time to go to sweep!
Need some edgier material for your mother? This Friday, May 6th, we’ll have some comedians’ take on their mothers! Ouch!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for moms, dads, kids, and anyone else with a sense of fun!
photo credit: jamesgoodmanphotography via photopin cc
photo credit: jamesgoodmanphotography via photopin cc
- I can’t think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends. Douglas Feaver
- My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.Stephen Wright
- Now the thing about having a baby – and I can’t be the first person to have noticed this – is that thereafter you have it. Jean Kerr
- Babies don’t need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I’ll go over to them and say, “What are you doing here, you’ve never worked a day in your life!” Stephen Wright
- No one likes change but babies in diapers. Barbara Johnson
- Make no mistake about why babies are here-they are here to replace us. Jerry Seinfeld
- It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t. Barbara Kingsolver
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. Fran Lebowitz
- Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? Jeff Foxworthy
- They’re not the sharpest people-babies. So you have to be everything to them. Paul Reiser
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for those babies when they grow up and go to camp, boarding school, or college! Send one today!
photo credit: Birthday Boy via photopin (license)
- Why did the gorilla go to the doctor? Because his banana wasn’t peeling very well!
- Did you hear about the awful jungle party? Somebody forgot to bring the chimps and dip!
- What do you call an angry monkey? Furious George!
- Why did King Kong climb the Empire State building? Because he couldn’t fit in the elevator!
- What does a monkey chef wear while making dinner? An APE-ron!
- What should you do if you find a gorilla sitting at your school desk? Sit somewhere else!
- How did the gorilla do in the beauty contest? Beast in Show!
- What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail? It won’t be long now!
- Where do chimps get their gossip? On the ape vine!
- Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
- Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages! Send one today!
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