Bacon Jokes: A Lot of Baloney!

Bacon wallet from archie mcphee

We sell these!

Each year on the Saturday before Labor Day, the most popular of all the cured meats, Bacon, is served up its own special day, International Bacon Day! This year it is Sept 5th. Here are a few bacon jokes for you to enjoy:

  • What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs!

    strips of bacon

    We eat these!

  • Which day is best to eat bacon? Frie-day!
  • What did the doctor say to the bacon? You’re cured!
  • What’s bacon’s favorite musical? Grease!
  • Why did the pig go in to the kitchen? He felt like bacon!
  • Why was the deli worker arrested? For bringing home the bacon!
  • Where do you find bacon wrapped dinosaurs on the menu? Jurassic Pork!
  • Egg and Bacon walk in to a bat. The bartender says, “We don’t serve breakfast here.”

Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual gifts and care packages. Want a bacon wallet? We have those and toast wallets! Get one now!

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035786238@N01/2697440379″>Bacon for MOO</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

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14 Classic Insults!

These are some of my favorite insults. What are yours? Tell me in the two mencomment section below!

  • He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends. Oscar Wilde
  • He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. Winston Churchill
  • She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. Will Rogers
  • The finest woman that ever walked the streets. Mae West
  • She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation. Jean Webster
  • He was happily married, but his wife wasn’t.Victor Borge
  • She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. Margot Asquith
  • He’s liked, but he’s not well liked. Arthur Miller
  • She was kind of girl who’d eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts. Raymond Chandler
  • She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people. Robertson Davies
  • He was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met.William Faulkner
  • As entertaining as watching a potato bake. Marc Savlov
  • Don’t look now, but there’s one too many in this room and I think it’s you. Groucho Marx
  • I didn’t attend the funeral but sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
  • His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open. Howard Hughes

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Telling Friend About New Boyfriend Who Works on Manhattan Project Without Spilling Classified Info

Well, I met MP while I was on a camping trip in New Mexico. I just love the southwest soManhattan Project Class Picture much, and I needed some “me time” to recover from the whole Jon affair- criminy, he’s an unreasonable man. Thank goodness he sent me packing, though, otherwise I would never have met MP in that sun-parched land. It was a complete surprise to see him there- the desert is so barren, y’know. Just the same, I came down from the top of a mesa and there he was, hard at work in the middle of the desert. He’s got a job with the government working on something or other for the military. He tried to explain it to me once, but I didn’t quite Bombs Away!get it. Some sort of new application of fishing that I don’t understand. How fishing will help our boys on the front give those nasty Krauts a kick in the pants is beyond me, but MP seems to think it’ll make a big difference. Either way, he’s trying to end the war- isn’t that something? Most of the other relationships I’ve been in have been with pencil pushers- y’know, accountants, underwriters, syndicated sports columnists. It’s so refreshing to be with someone like MP who has such a different perspective on things. He’s really going to make an impact. You’ll see.

Once again we have Alex Berg and his old blog, Microanalysis to thank for this post.

Alex Berg performs regularly at Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in LA with the house Harold Team, Sentimental Lady and his own three-man improv group, Convoy. You might also see him on TV. Thanks, Alex!

Mirth in a Box sells fun, custom gift boxes and funny gifts. Check us out next time the thought counts but the fun counts even more! www.MirthinaBox.com

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Addendum to Late Summer 2015 Reading List

Here are a few more book suggestions from my friends to add to the late summer 2015 Books, Books, Booksreading list:

    • “The Rosie Project” by Graeme C. Simsion
    • “Lucky Us” by Amy Bloom
    • “The Book of Colors” by Raymond Barfield
    • “Away” by Amy Bloom
    • “Station Eleven” by Emily St. John Mandel
    • “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn (seems to be the favorite summer read-suggested many times..and then Ben Affleck made the movie)

So many books, so little time!

I tried to think back to which books I’ve read in the past few months. These are the ones I remember (with gratuitous comments):

  • “A Girl Walked in to a Bar” by Rachel Dratch– Remember her from SNL? I’ve Rachel Dratchalways been a Rachel Dratch fan and thought her memoir was quite touching.
  • “A Little Life” by Hanya Yanagihara– GAWD! This book was one on so many ‘must read’ lists, I read it. Bleh! I can not deny that it was well-written but reading it was a like slow torture. Misery, misery, and more misery and no respite for 1000+ pages. “Balkan Ghosts” was more of an upper. I read the ebook or else I would have launched the actual book at the deer in my garden (and probably broken a few antlers).
  • “Dead Wake” by Eick Larson– Interesting fictionalized account of the sinking go the Lusitania but no “ “The Devil in the White City”.
  • “Wrapped in Rainbows” by Valerie Boyd– Wow. This biography of Zora Neale Hurston blew me away. The writing was so-so but Zora’s life was fascinating! Wow. Wow. Wow. Read it!
  • “The Nightingale” by Kristine Hannah– Meh. Predictable but a good book for a Zora Neale H
  • hot day in the hammock.
  • “Shantaram” by Gregory David Roberts-Could have used an editor with a chain saw but it was a good story…and it’s an autobiography!
  • “Far From the Madding Crowd” by Thomas Hardy- Needed to reread it before I saw the movie. One of my favorite books as a 12 year old.
  • “The Lord of the Flies” by William Golding- What can I say. It is a classic for a reason.
  • “Yes Please” by Amy Poehler- Had to read this after I read Rachel Dratch’s book. Pretty funny. Well-written, and I enjoyed reading about The Upright Citizens’ Brigade Theatre (since that’s where my oldest son has been since 2006).
  • “Go Set A Watchman” by Harper Lee- Big disappointment but so forgettable that the short and tragic life of robert peacemy reading of it has not tainted my love of “To Kill a Mocking Bird”.
  • “The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace” by Jeff Hobbs– Favorite book of the summer. READ THIS!!!!!
  • “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison– Toni Morrison is my favorite author. This was not one of her best novels (IMHO), but a good read.
  • “Murder in the Marais” by Cara Black- A quick little murder mystery that takes place in Paris. Very enjoyable.
  • “Without You, There is No Us” by Suki Kim- The author poses as an English teacher in a North Korean University. Grim. Riveting.

OK! Ball’s in your court! What was your favorite summer read of 2015? The worst?

Rachel Dratch photo credit:By David Shankbone (Own work) [CC BY 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

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These Pig Jokes Will Make You Squeal

Oink. Oink.brown and black pig

  • What do you call the bathroom in a pigsty? The hogwash!
  • What type of party did the Big Bad Wolf throw for the Three Little Pigs? A Swine and Cheese Party!
  • Why did the three little pigs fall asleep when their grandfather started talking? Grandpa was a boar!
  • How did the farmer know the fox was stealing his eggs? The pig squealed!.
  • What do you call a pig that has a rash? Ham with eczema!pig
  • What happened when the pig pen broke? He used a pencil!
  • Where do pigs keep their cars? In a porking lot!
  • What is a pig’s favorite position in baseball? Shortslop!
  • Why doesn’t anyone want to play soccer with a pig? He hogs the ball!
  • What is the pig’s favorite card game? Porker!

Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for college students, summer campers and those friends who need to be cheered up!

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30690243@N03/11899838275″>P1100026.sm</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>

photo credit: Pink Pig thanks to United Soybean Board <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/95352257@N06/10058784366″>Hogs in the Barn</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

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Late Summer 2015 Reading List: Book Suggestions from my Friends

A few weeks ago, on my personal Facebook page, I asked friends for vacation books Books, Books, Bookssuggestions. Wow! I got a huge list. I have read some of these books, some I plan to read, others I might not (I only have so much time to read), but here’s the list:

  • “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn
  • “Dark Places” by Gillian Flynn
  • “The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft and The Golden Age of Journalism” by Doris Kearns Goodwin
  • “Team of Rivals” by Doris Kearns Goodwin
  • “Sisters of Heat and Snow” by Margaret Dilloway
  • “Laws of Our Fathers” by Scott Turow
  • “Pillars of the Earth” by Ken Follet
  • “The Little Paris Bookshop” by Nina George
  • “All the Light We Cannot See” by Anthony Doerr
  • “Dead Wake” by Erik Larson
  • “Francis, Repair My Church” by John Edgar Raub
  • “The Reason for God” by Tim Keller
  • Anything by Jim Thompson or James M Cain
  • “Born to Run” by Steve McDougall
  • “Boys in the Boat” by Daniel James Brown
  • “The Girl on the Train” by Paula Hawkins
  • “Let The Great World Spin” by Colum McCannbook
  • “The Children Act” by Ian McEwan
  • “A God in Ruins” by Kate Atkinson
  • “Love Me, Feed Me: Sharing with Your Dog the Everyday Good Food You Cook and Enjoy” by Judith Jones
  • “The Girl I Left Behind” by Judith Nies
  • “A Spool of Blue Thread” by Anne Tyler
  • “Nora Webster” by Colum Toibin
  • “The Marriage of Opposites” by Alice Hoffman
  • “Circling the Sun” by Paula McLain
  • “Course Correction” by Ginny Gilder
  • “The Italians” by John Hooper
  • “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo.
  • “This Thing of Darkness” by Fiona Griffiths
  • “Luckiest Girl Alive” by Jessica Knoll
  • “The Story Sisters” by Alice Hoffman
  • “The Thirteenth Tale” by Diane Setterfield
  • “Every Secret Thing” by Emma Cole

Thank you!!!! And feel free to add more!

I do most of my reading electronically, but if you like to buy books on line, try Better World Books! They collect and sell books online and also donate books and fund literacy programs. Pretty impressive!
Photo by JD Hancock cc

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10 Great Quotes About Dogs

Dogs! dogI have 2 staring at me right now!

    • If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people. Karel Čapek

    • A hungry dog hunts best. Lee Trevino
    • If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. Harry S. Truman
    • There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.  Ben Williams

    • Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job. Franklin P. Jones
    • Happiness is a warm puppy. Charles M. Schulz

cute dog picture

  • If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog. George Bernard Shaw
  • The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs. Charles de Gaulle
  • A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.  Josh Billings
  • Hounds follow those who feed them. Otto von Bismarck

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photo credit: xDOP via photopin cc

photo credit: Elizabeth Thomsen via photopin cc

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Screw the Organizers! Bring on the Chaos!

A recent University of Minnesota study  connected a messy desk to a trash can with chickencreative mind. Professional organizers everywhere tried to counter that study with endless articles about decluttering, mindfulness, distraction free productivity and Feng Shui. Few people fell for that! After a long night of introspection, little food and much alcohol, one clever organizer, Helen Hiwater, decided to give the public what they wanted: Mess, mayhem and madness.

messFor about the cost of an overnight stay on the Psych ward,  Helen and her team will enable you to unleash your inner slacker through Helen Hiwater Organizing’s new service called, ”Productive Pandemonium”.

Imagine your workspace staged with full waste paper baskets, week-old slackerfood on chipped plates, cobwebs in every corner, sticky floors, tilted pictures, dirty tissues strewn about, important documents crumpled, and your desk buried under a mound of papers and books! Upcharges include: a selection of bad odors, extra dust, broken furniture and a flatulent dog.

Helen and crew have also adding Dress for Success: Unleash the Creativity Within. This offering tackles the ‘creative genius’ wardrobe. Trousers with be artfully rumpled, shirts will be stained, and your blazers will reek of BO! Of course your socks will be mismatched, your sweaters pilled and moth eaten, and your undergarments will be stretched and soiled. The devil is in the details and Helen loves details!

Helen told us that these new services were so successful that she is scaling back on her organizing business. Ms Hiwater will soon be offering Bedroom Bedlam, Kitchen Rekluttering, and Chaos Creation.

Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages. Check us out! We make gift giving easy!

Photos: photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/andrewscott/3318833614/”>Andrew Scott</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/slworking/5042736723/”>slworking2</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>

 

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Jokes About Religion that You Could Probably Tell Your Grandmother

I guess it would depend on the grandmother!rio de janero

  • What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic!
  • How does Jesus make tea? Hebrews it!
  • A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.
  • How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
  • What does a dyslexic-agnostic-insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog!
  • What’s the difference between God and Bono? God doesn’t wander around Dublin thinking he’s Bono!

A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

The trooper says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” says the priest.
The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages and gifts.

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11 Amazing Coco Chanel Quotes

Wow.drawing of cocochanel Could not stop at 10!

  • May my legend prosper and thrive. I wish it a long and happy life.
  • Nothing goes out of fashion sooner than a long dress with a very low neck.
  • A fashion that does not reach the streets is not fashion.
  • The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.
  • Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.
  • In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
  • Where should one wear perfume? Wherever one wants to be kissed.
  • It’s always better to be slightly underdressed.
  • A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
  • Only those with no memory insist on their originality.
  • You live but once. You might as well be amusing.

Coco Chanel’s birthday is August 19th!

Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for the very discriminating!

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/suzy_yes/15202172949/”>suzy_yes</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a> 

 

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