May you find the bees but not the honey! Clever Curses!

In honor of Saint Patrick’s Day I found some delightfully devilish curses:Saint patricks day

  • May you be afflicted with the itch but have no nails to scratch with!
  • May you go to hell and not have a drop of porter to quench your eternal thirst!
  • May the devil make a fool of you!
  • Dysentery on you!
  • If you eat, that you may not shit!
  • May you have the runs on your wedding night!
  • May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the Hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can’t find you with a telescope!

All righty then! Here’s an Irish blessing to reverse those curses:

May your blessings out number the shamrocks that grow and may trouble avoid you wherever you go!

Happ Saint Patrick’s Day!

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Why Did The Elephant Wear Green Sneakers on St Patrick’s Day?

Because his red ones were dirty!green sneakers

A few more jokes for your Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations:

  • What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A sham rock!
  • What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off of walls?Rick O’ Shea!
  • How do you get an Irishman on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house.
  • What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish? Paddy O’ Furniture
  • Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they’re always a little short!
  • How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? He’s Dublin over with laughter!  What does Ireland have more than any other country? Irishmen!    

There’s must be more Saint Patrick’s Day jokes out there-send me some!

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A+ Architect Jokes

A friend asked why I never had any jokes about architects. A quick look on the Sintra Portugal castleinternet and I found reams of architectural anecdotes. Who would have thought?

  • How many architects does it take to screw in a light bulb? No one knows for sure because it has never been done!
  • Why don’t architects get in to heaven? Because Jesus was a carpenter!
  • Why is heaven considered to be the perfect place? Because there are not architects to screw up the design!
  • What do architectural historians drink at bedtime? Rococoa!
  • How to you get an architect to work? With an Architect’s Instruction book!
  • What was the name of the negativist brother of a famous American architect? Louis Kahn’t.
  • Which famous 20th century German architect is famous for his river sports achievements? Mies van der Rower.

There you go, Graeme! These are for you!

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Presidents’s Day Jokes!

Today is a day not just for mattress sales! Here’s a few jokes told at the washington dcexpense of George Washington and Abe Lincoln:

  • Why was Abe Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  • Abraham Lincoln goes to the theatre and realizes that it’s an opera. He said, “ Oh great! Just shoot me now!”
  • Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?Because he couldn’t lie.
  • What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?Presidentures!
  • How did George Washington speak to his army?In general terms!
  • Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington, DC!”

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I Heart Valentines Day Jokes!

Valentines Day definitely calls for the the corniest of jokes and puns:you appeal to me

  • Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Sure, February 14th!
  • What did the tarantula say about his date? We met on the web!
  • Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart? He can’t hit a target that small!
  • Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn’t get a date!
  • Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t his taste!
  • What’s so great about love at first sight? It saves lots of time!
  • Girl: I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.
    Boy: Really? Why not?valentine I'll get right to the point
    Girl: You make me sick!
  • What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day? I’m nuts about you!
  • What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day? You’re nuts so bad yourself!

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Red Carpet Fashion Digs-Miss You, Joan Rivers!

Since we are deep in to awards season, I think it is only appropriate to high heelsresurrect some of Joan Rivers snarky fashion one liners:

  • Her chest is flatter than Kirstie Alley’s sofa cushions.
  • I’ve seen better coats on a dog with mange.
  • She’s got more junk in her trunk than a full season of “Storage Wars”.
  • I give this look two middle fingers up!
  • The last time I saw this much thigh meat was on trash day a Chick-Fil-A.
  • The pattern! Does this or does this not look like a cake decorated by a crackhead?

What are your favorite red carpet zingers?

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Elf Jokes: Naughty and Nice

Why aren’t there more jokes about elves around? Because they are short tempered!elf on a shelf

Groan! Here are a few I found:

  • What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
  • Why are Santa’s helpers depressed? They have low elf esteem!
  • What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses!
  • What type of bread do elves make sandwiches with? Shortbread!
  • How long are elves legs? Long enough to reach the ground!
  • Santa rides in his sleigh. What do the elves ride in? A minivan!
  • What do elves like to barbecue? Short ribs!
  • Why can’t you borrow money from an elf? Because they’re always a little short!

Hey! Need some great stocking stuffers, gift exchange gifts or teachers gifts? We’ve got hundreds of ideas for you under individual items! Check us out!

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12 Days of Christmas Jokes

  • What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!santa hat
  • Which Christmas present can’t be beat? A broken drum!
  • Why do Dasher and Dancer get to take coffee breaks while the other reindeers are working? They are the star bucks!
  • What did the little Christmas candle say to the big Christmas candle? I’m going out tonight!
  • What’s it called when Santa Claus takes a break? A Santa pause!
  • What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas time? He got 12 months!
  • How do you make a reindeer fast? Don’t feed it!
  • What do you call the elf that is always making wisecracks? A real Christmas card!
  • Who goes, “Oh, Oh, Oh!”? Santa Claus walking backwards!
  • What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!
  • How did the reindeer open his comedy routine? “This will SLEIGH you!”
  • What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet!

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Teddy Bear Jokes:Unbearable!

Pawthetic? Fur sure!close up of teddy bear

  • What did the teddy bear say after dinner? I’m stuffed!
  • What do you called a Teddy Bear with no ears? A Teddy B!
  • What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? A teddy boar!
  • What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend? Hunny!
  • What is as big as a Teddy Bear but weighs nothing? Its shadow!
  • What do Teddy Bears do when it rains? Get wet!
  • What is a Teddy Bear’s favorite food? Stuffing!Black bear key ring
  • What does a Teddy Bear walk on? His bear feet!

Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for camp, college and anyone who needs some good cheer! In fact we carry the adorable little black bear key ring seen to the left!
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Mummy! They’re Making Fun of You!!! Mummy Jokes

You’d have to be a stiff not to appreciate these great mummy jokes we dug up:halloween mummy

  • Why don’t mummies have many friends? They are too wrapped up in themselves!
  • What is a mummy’s favorite type of music? Rap music!
  • Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
  • Who is the best mummy wrapper in all of Egypt? The Wizard of Gauze!
  • Who changed King Tut’s diapers? His Mummy!

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