- Do zombies eat their dinner with their fingers? No they eat their fingers separately!
- What’s a zombie’s favorite meal? A MANwich!
- What did the zombie do after she dumped her boyfriend? Wiped her butt!
- Why was the zombie expelled from school? He kept buttering up his teacher!
- What does a zombie look for in a girlfriend? Someone with a pulse and plenty of brains!
- How do patriotic zombies serve their country? They join the Marine Copse!
- What did the zombie say to his friend after he ate the comedian? This tastes funny!
- What does it take to become a zombie?DEAdication!
- Why did the zombie put arsenic on his Wheaties? Because he was a cereal killer!
- Why did the zombie have to stop teaching? He only had one pupil!
Celebrate the season with a treat-filled care package from Mirth in a Box!
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I will not comment. The quotes speak for themselves:
- No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. Abraham Lincoln
- Time spent with cats is never wasted. Sigmund Freud
- In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. Terry Pratchett
- Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. Jim Davis
- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. Joseph Wood Krutch
- Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal. Eddie Izzard
- Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. Anonymous
Send a gift from Mirth in a Box when the thought counts but the fun counts even more!!!
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We’ve got a cauldron full of witch jokes that are sure to make your tricker or treaters groan with pleasure!
- Why was the witch kicked out of school? She flunked spelling!
- Is it possible to tell twin witches apart? Nope. No one can tell which witch is which!
- Why do witches fly around on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
- What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch? Being her broom!
- What do you call two witches that live together?Broom mates!
- What kinds of tests do witches take? Hex-aminations!
- Why shouldn’t angry witches ride their broomsticks? They might fly off the handle!
- What do you call a sweet, gentle witch? A failure!
- Why won’t a witch wear a flat-topped hat? Because there is no point in it!
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages. Check out our Gypsy Witch Fortune cards, too!
Sometimes Halloween parties can be just plain dead! Get your sheet-faced guests groaning with a few of these transparently silly ghost jokes:
- Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?Because you can see right through him!
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? I scream!
- What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people? Poultrygeist!
- What do you do when you see a ghost? Run away!
- Which kind of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo boos!
- What did the ghost say when his girlfriend put on a new designer sheet? You look boooo-tiful!
- What is the first thing a ghost does when she gets in to her car? Fastens her sheet belt!
- Which streets are ghosts’ favorite haunting spots? Dead ends!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages! Send one today!
Did you know that September 29th is International Coffee Day? I have never needed a reason to start my day with a cup, or two, of coffee. Not wanting to be a party pooper I plan to celebrate Coffee Day by having my coffee hot in the morning, iced in the afternoon and mochaed in the evening. How about you?
- I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee. Flash Rosenberg
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Stephen Wright
- Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. Anonymous
- A morning without coffee is like sleep. Anonymous
- My blood type is Folgers. Anonymous
- I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. Stephen Wright
- I like my coffee like I like my women, In a plastic cup. Eddie Izzard
- If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsover. David Letterman
May we suggest sending one of our funny and functional coffee mugs to your favorite coffee drinker? Or better yet, get a set for yourself! We also have a coin purse shaped like the iconic NYC takeout coffee cup (my person favorite). Mirth in a Box sells care packages and gifts when the thought counts but the fun counts even more!
Can we talk? Joan Rivers at her best:
- I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
- He who limps is still walking.
- I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
- Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Posted in Humor, Quotes
Tagged Beauty and exercise, comedian, custom gift boxes, funny gifts, funny women, Joan Rivers, jokes, Mirth in a Blog, Mirth in a Box, one liners, quotes, wacky gifts
Every year people around the world celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day on September 19th. Really. Arrrrrrr you ready?
- Why do pirates wear eye patches? Because they can’t afford iPads!
- Why did the pirate stay in the head for so long? Because he had the ships!
- What is a pirate’s favorite vegetable? Arrrrrugala!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a parade? Da Balloons!
- Who cleans a pirate captain’s quarters? A mermaid!
- Which card games do pirates like best? Gin and Rummy!
- What did the dyslexic pirate say? Raaaaaaaa!
- What is a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrrrrrt!
- Which movies do pirates like best? Arrrrrrrr-rated ones!
- What do pirates wear in the winter? Long Johns!
- Which kind of ships do pirates avoid? RelationSHIPS!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for college students, summer campers, and anyone in need of good cheer!
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Can’t stay up for the late shows? Here are some evergreen political jokes:
- Why should politicians be buried 20 feet deep?Because deep down, they’re really good people!
- What’s the difference between a politician and a shopping cart?A politician holds more liquor!
- What’s the difference between a politician and a catfish? One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish! What’s the difference between a politician and a sack of manure?The sack!
- Why don’t you ever hear about burglars robbing politicians? Professional courtesy!
- What’s the difference between a good politician and a bad politician? A headstone!
- What do you call a group of skydiving politicians? Skeet!
- How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips are moving!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages.
Wow. So many answers to the age old question, “How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?” Here are some of my favorites:
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
- How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but it really gets screwed.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to do it and three to complain that the old bulb was better.
- How many ethical politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Both of them!
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? It’s irrelevant; they’re still in the dark!
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Since they rarely change anything without first appointing a study committee, it can take anywhere from between six to twelve politicians to change a light bulb.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? 10000001. One to change the light bulb and 10000000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Oh dear! Where did the summer go? It time for students to go back to school and time for Mirth in a Box to pull out the teacher jokes.
- Why did the teacher turn the lights on? Because her class was so dim!
- Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils!
- Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the water!
- What do you call a teacher without students? Happy!
- What would happen if you took the school bus home ? The police would make you bring it back !
- Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!