In an attempt to bolster tourism and a flagging economy, the tiny New England state of Connecticut has opened its arms to extraterrestrial aliens. The Nicola Tesla UFO Welcome Center was unveiled this weekend in Fairfield, CT. The new 5 acre rest stop features a semiconductor charging station, ovoid parking spaces, an electronic-disruption-free zone, 8 landing pads, and a dozen plasma refueling stations. This state of the art facility also offers a variety of fast food fare including KFC, Subway and a Cracker Barrel.
Town folk in the abutting neighborhoods came out in force to protest the UFOs and the aliens inside them. Carrying posters declaring, “This is Our Planet, Not Yours”. Spokesperson, Ray Walston, said,”Our microwave ovens are on the fritz, our pets are levitating and our lawns have large burnt patches of interlocking circles.”
When asked to comment on the neighbors concerns, Governor Malloy poo pooed what he called “hysterics” and donned a shiny, aluminum foil hat to cut the ribbon.
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photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/71185522@N00/5878057550″>San Francisco LGBT Pride Parade 2011</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>
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Posted in Humor
Tagged aliens, humor, UFO
OK. I’m ready for Spring!!!!
- What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect? “Where were you on the night of September to March?”
- What do snow kids have for breakfast? Ice Krispies!
- What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes!
- What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18? The crack of dawn!
- If you live in an igloo, what’s the worst thing about global warming? No privacy!
- How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!
- What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together? A receding hare line!
- What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
- How do snowmen greet each other? Ice to meet you!
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Quick! When is George Washington’s actual birthday? February 22nd!
Here’s a few quotes from the Father of Our Country:
- To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace.
- If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.
- Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distress of everyone, and let your hand give in proportion to your purse.
- It is better to be alone than in bad company.
- It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.
- The foolish and wicked practice of profane cursing and swearing is a vice so mean and low that every person of sense and character detests and despises it.
- Some day, following the example of the United States of America, there will be a United States of Europe.
Guess who else was born on February 22nd? Here’s a quote from the mystery person:
- Yeah, I’m a thrill seeker, but crikey, education’s the most important thing.
I hope you guessed Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter!
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According to Chinese Astrology,tomorrow ushers in The Year of the Sheep (aka The Year of the Goat or The Year of the Ram). I’ve always been a sucker for Chinese food and get way too excited by those paper placemats that list the 12 animals of Chinese astrology.
I read up a bit on “sheep”. Those babies who will be born between Feb.19th, 2015 and Feb 7, 2016 will be amiable, easy to get along with and tend not to rock the boat. Herding instincts! Sheep’s lucky flowers are pansies, primroses and carnations. They’ll get along just fine with snakes and horses and will butt heads with tigers, dogs and rats. Their element is wood. Not sure what that means.
So I’m a fire monkey. Not surprisingly most of my friends are fire monkeys (we share a birth year). Here’s a good Chinese Astrology site. So what sign are you?
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Happy Chinese New Year! In honor of the Year of the Sheep, here are a few clean sheep jokes. I found some terrific off color ones but since we spend the summer catering to the camp crowd, I thought I’d leave those for someone else. Too baaaad!
- What do you call a wolf in sheep’s clothing? A ‘ewe’ phemism!
- What is an old ram’s favorite car? A Lamborghini!
- What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baaaaa!
- Why did the lamb call the police? He had been fleeced!
- What did one sheep say to the other? After Ewe!
- What do you call a rowdy sheep? Rambunctious!
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Have you ever paid for a kiss?
- Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
- A legal kiss is never as good as a stolen one. Guy de Maupassant
- “Where should one use perfume”? a young woman asked. “Wherever one wants to be kissed”, I said. Coco Chanel
- Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Joey Adams
- A man’s kiss is his signature. Mae West.
- When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. H.L. Mencken
- People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Bob Hope
- Being kissed by a man who didn’t wax his mustache was–like eating an egg without salt. Rudyard Kipling
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Happy Valentines Day! Click through a few of my favorite vintage Valentines Day cards. Pardon the cropping. I’m new to this photo gallery business.[Show thumbnails] Hope these inspire you! Want to see some more old Valentines Day cards? Check out: … Continue reading
How many of these fun facts did you know?
- George Washington was 6’3″ tall and weighed over 200 pounds.
- George Washington did have rotten teeth. So rotten he had them al pulled out when he was in his late 50′s. The dentures, however, were made from iron with ivory and animal teeth. Ew.
- George Washington loved ice cream. (Think this contributed to his gigantic proportions and bad teeth?)
- George Washington was the only president to have never lived in Washington D.C.
- Abraham Lincoln was no shrimp either! He is actually our tallest president at 6’4″.
- Abraham Lincoln was the first president to wear a beard.
- Abraham Lincoln had his suits made by Brooks Brothers.
- Abraham Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national holiday.
- Lincoln did not like to be called Abe. He wanted to be called by his last name.
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- Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder!
- Why couldn’t the chemist trust her boyfriend the atom? Atoms make up everything!
- What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married? Carried it over the threshold!
- What did the explorer say to his mate? I’m lost without you!
- What did the chemist say to his Valentine date? I got my ion you!
- What did the astronaut say to his Martian girlfriend? You are out of this world!
- Why did the chemist think his girlfriend was made of copper and tellurium? She was CuTe!
- Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left!
- What did the chemist say to her lover? I think of you periodically!
- Why did the chemist think his lab partner was made of nickel, cerium, arsenic, and sulfur? Because she had a NiCe AsS!
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I’d pay more than a penny for his thoughts!
- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
- Human action can be modified to some extent, but human nature cannot be changed.
- I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser than he was yesterday.
- If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
- Nearly all men can stand adversity, but is you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
- Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Whatever you are, be a good one.
- Whenever I hear someone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
Happy Birthday, Lincoln (Feb12th)! Happy Presidents’ Day(Feb 16th) !
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for college students, campers and your sick friends who need to be cheered up!
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