- What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? The letter ‘G’!
- Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary!
- Which vegetables go best with turkey? Beets me!
- What is the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The TURKEY!
- Where did the pilgrims first stand when they landed in the new country? On their feet!
- How do you make a turkey float? 2 scoops of ice cream, a bottle of root beer and a turkey!
- What sound does a Turkey’s phone make? Wing! Wing!
Mirth in a Box wishes you Happy Thanksgiving! Please check us out for great holiday gifts and stocking stuffers!
- If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. Erma Bombeck
- Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers. Merle Kessler
- The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller
- I’m an emotional person. Sometimes i can’t help it. Tom Brady
- Emotion is highly overrated football. My wife Corky is as emotional as hell but can’t play football worth a damn. John McKay
- If you aren’t going all the way, why go at all? Joe Namath
- The principle is competing against yourself. It’s about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before. Steve Young
Notice Seahawks hat!
- When you’ve got something to prove, there’s nothing greater than a challenge. Terry Bradshaw
- It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it. Knute Rockne
- I’ve learned that something constructive comes from every defeat. Tom Landry
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages! We also have a great selection of teacher gifts and stocking stuffers! Check us out!
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Posted in Quotes, Uncategorized
Tagged coach, Erma Bombeck, football, funny, joe namath, John McKay, knute rockne, merle kessler, Phyllis Diller, quotes, steve young, Tom Brady, tom landry
Midas well open the door!
Rhoda boat as fast as you can!
Ears some more Knock Knock jokes for you!
Luke through the keyhole and see!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to know!
Mirth in the Box loves Knock Knock jokes almost as much as we love putting together fun care packages! Send one today!
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- Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons. Jim Bishop
- Winter is dead; spring is crazy; summer is cheerful and autumn is wise! Mehmet Murat ildan
- Dull November brings the blast, Then the leaves are whirling fast. Sara Coleridge
- November comes/And November goes,/With the last red berries/And the first white snows. Elizabeth Coatsworth
- Beauty for some provides escape, who gain a happiness in eyeing the gorgeous buttocks of the ape or Autumn sunsets exquisitely dying. Langston Hughes
- Even if something is left undone, everyone must take time to sit still and watch the leaves turn. Elizabeth Lawrence
- Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. Albert Camus
- Autumn is the hush before winter. French Proverb
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages for college students, boarding school students and anyone who needs to be cheered up! Send one today!
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Archie Bunker, the cranky patriarch in the 1970’s sitcom, “All in the Family” was well-known for mangling the English language. He was particularly skilled at malapropisms (misusing words that are similar in sound). We recently posted All in Good Fun: Archie Bunker’s Hilarious Malapropisms. Our readers sent in so many more of Bunker’s blunders that we just had to share them. Here are some of our favorites:
- Oh Geez! Why don’t you use some birth patrol?
- Hell hath no fury like a woman’s corns.
- Your honor, may I encroach the bench?
- I think we are too old to be doing all that floor play, Edith.
- They’re gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals.
- Ya look like one of those pallburiers at a funeral.
- It’s a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime.
- Something’s rotten in the state of Denver.
- You gotta grab the bull by the corns.
- When I die, I don’t want no urology.
- Don’t talk like an ignorosis.
There were around 200 episodes of “All in the Family” so there must be many, many more verbal gaffs that we missed. Keep sending them in!
Now doesn’t your family sound normal?
Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual care packages and small gifts.
- Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft? Classic conditioning!
- A man was lying in the street beaten and bloody. A psychiatrist ran up to the man and exclaimed,”Holy cow! Whoever did this really needs help!”
- A man goes to a psychiatrist “Nobody listens to me!” The doctor says “Next!”
- Aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Let’s begin with basic emotions” said the professor.”What is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” replied a student.”The opposite of depression?” the professor asked another student.”Elation,” said the student.”And you sir,” he said to a young man in the back of the room. “How about the opposite of woe?” The future psychiatrist replied, “Doctor, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
- While my shrink was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,”Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages and gifts, funny, stocking tufters, ideas that will cheer up just about anyone up….so send one today!
Need more psych jokes? Here you go: How Many Psychiatrist Do You Need to Change A Lightbulb? and Psychology Jokes: How Do These Make You Feel?
Where did we get that fabulous picture? From J D Hancock! Check out his work!
- Why do two colors, put one next to the other, sing? Can one really explain this? No. Pablo Picasso
- If you want an interesting party sometime, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone. Robert Fulghum
- Beauty without color seems somehow to belong to another world. Murasaki Shikibu
- I painted the picture, and in the colors the rhythm of the music quivers. I painted the colors I saw. Edvard Munch
- I get the same charge from the juxtaposition of colors as I do from the juxtaposition of chords. Joni Mitchell
- Life is about using the whole box of crayons. Ru Paul
- All colors are the friends of their neighbors and lovers of their opposites. Marc Chagall
- Artists are just children who refuse to put down their crayons. Al Hirschfeld
- I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them. Pablo Picasso
Embrace your love of color and dive into the world of adult color books (no, not X-rated!). Mirth in a Box carries three titles and we hope to expand out offerings soon!
More variations on the classic “A Guy Walked in to a Bar” joke:
- A dog walks in to a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks at the bartender and says, “How about a drink?” The bartender, surprised to see a talking dog, thinks for a moment and says, “Sure, the toilet is in the back on the left”.
- A contruction worker walks in to a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says to the bartender,”A beer, please, and one for the road.”
- A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barman looks at him and says, “Did you know there’s a drink named after you?” “Really?’” says the grasshopper. “There’s a drink called Jiminy?”
- A pilot walks in to a bar. He asks the bartender, “Do you have any helicopter-flavored potato chips?” “Nope” says the bartender. “We only have plane.”
- A penguin walks in to a bar and says to the bartender,”Have you seen my brother?” The bartender says,”No. What’s he look like?”
- Julius Caesar walks in to a bar.and says I’ll have a martinus. Don’t you mean a martini? If I wanted a double I would have asked for it.
- The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.
- Jesus walks in to a bar and asks for a glass of water.
- 3 logicians walk in to a bar. The bartender asks,”Do all of you want a drink?” The first logician says, “I don’t know.” the second logician says, “I don’t know.”, the third logician says, “Yes!”
- A bear walks in to a bar and says to the bartender,”I’ll have a gin and…..(he hesitates for a few seconds)….tonic.” The bartender asks, “Why such a big pause?” the bear replies,”I dunno. I’ve always had them!”
Are these bar jokes your cup of tea? Check out “A (Fill in the Blank) Walks in to a Bar Jokes” Part 1 and Part 2! And do send us any that we have missed!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual gifts and care packages!
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- If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. H. L. Mencken
- I don’t think we should be governing ourselves. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the king is not doing a good job, we kill him. George Carlin
- It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that is bears a striking resemblance to the first. Ronald Reagan
- A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. Carl Sandburg
- In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.George Carlin
- Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president. Johnny Carson
- A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen. Winston Churchill
- Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent. Napoleon Bonaparte
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual gifts and care packages. Send one today!
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- Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin!
- Why didn’t the mummy have any friends? He was too wrapped up in himself!
- What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up his payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed!
- What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettucini Afraid-o!
- What did the corpse’s mother do when he skipped school? She grounded him!
- Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They don’t have anybody to go out with!
- What do birds hand out on Halloween night? Tweets!
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos!
- Why is the headless horseman lucky? Can’t get a headache!
Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for almost any occasion! Keep us in mind when you need stocking stuffer ideas!
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