Catch of the Day: Fish Jokes

  • What part of a fish weighs the most?It’s scales!fish
  • What kind of money do fishermen make? Net profits!
  • What is the fastest fish in the sea? The one that got away!
  • What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod!
  • Why did the flounder go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a bit flat!
  • What do you call someone who is good at catching fish? Annette!
  • How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut off its nose!
  • Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
  • What TV game show do fish like best? Name that tuna!
  • Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank!

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Ruff Day? Check Out These Funny Sayings About Dogs!

Some playful, some pawful…

  • Dogs are forever in the push up position. Mitch Hedberg
  • I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Rita Rudner
  • Happiness is a warm puppy. Charles M. Schulz
  • If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. Andy Rooney
  • A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it. Helen Thomson
  • Dogs never bite me – just humans. Marilyn Monroe
  • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. Sue Murphy
  • A watched supper dish never fills. Snoopy
  • People who keep dogs are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves. August Strindberg
  • I don’t have any girlfriends; all I have is a dog. Charlie Brown
  • In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. Dereke Bruce

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Tom Swifties: Wordplay at Its Best!

Who doesn’t love a Tom Swifty (we say heartily)? See how nicely the adverb connects to Booksthe words in the quotation?

  • “Who’s your favorite operatic tenor?” Tom asked placidly.
  • “I’m still looking for my beagle,” Tom said doggedly.
  • “I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.
  • “Give me some more macaroni and cheese, and I’ll tell you,” Tom said craftily.
  • “I need a drink,” Tom said drily.
  • It’s the maid’s night off,” Tom said helplessly.
  • “There it is again!” Tom recited.
  • “This is a sick bird,” said Tom illegally.
  • “I enjoy exploring tombs,” Tom said cryptically.
  • “I brought the dessert,” Tom said piously.
  • “I forgot what to buy,” Tom said listlessly.
  • “My stereo’s half-fixed,” Tom said monotonously.
  • “We must go to the back of the ship,” Tom said sternly.
  • “What are these berries?” Tom rasped.
  • “This is just like a fairy tale,” Tom said grimly.

Every so often I indulge in wordplay. Subscribe to this blog and check out our Facebook page to get an occasional dose!

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Flipper’s Favorite Dolphin Jokes

We asked Flipper to send us his best jokes. This is what he wrote back:jumping dolphin

  • Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise!
  • How does a group of dolphin’s make a decision? Flipper coin!
  • How could the broke dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything!
  • What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune!
  • What did Cinderella Dolphin wear to the ball? Glass flippers!
  • What did the spoiled dolphin do when he didn’t get his way? He whale-d!
  • Why are dolphins smarter than humans? Within 3 hours they can teacher their trainers to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

Flipper is alive and well living in obscurity in a southern Florida retirement community.

Mirth in a Box sells fun and unusual care packages for college students, summer campers,  and anyone who needs a smile.
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Why Should I Learn Golf? These Quotes Make it Sound Frustrating!

Every few years someone tries to encourage me to take up golf. I’ve yet to be convinced.

  • The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogangolf shot
  • I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser. Arnold Palmer
  • Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead
  • If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. Lee Trevino
  • The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. Chi Chi Rodriguez
  • On a recent survey 80% of golfers admitted to cheating. The other 20% lied. Bruce Lansky
  • Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out. Princess Anne of Great Britain
  • It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain
  • I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators. Gerald Fordgolfer
  • If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. Joey Adams
  • Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one. Martha Beckman
  • If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. Horace G. Hutchinson
  • I don’t exaggerate – I just remember big. Chi Chi Rodriguez
  • I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Don Adams
  • I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. Bob Hope

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#1 Song to Sing Around the Campfire? “On Top of Spaghetti”!

Definitely! At least it is my favorite. What’s yours? Here’s the lyrics so you can practice kids singing around camp firebefore your next camp out:

On top of spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball,
When somebody sneezed.

It rolled off the table,
And on to the floor,
And then my poor meatball,
Rolled out of the door.

It rolled in the garden,camp kid making s'mores
And under a bush,
And then my poor meatball,
Was nothing but mush.

The mush was as tasty
As tasty could be,
And then the next summer,
It grew into a tree.

The tree was all covered,
All covered with moss,
And on it grew meatballs,
And tomato sauce.

So if you eat spaghetti,
All covered with cheese,
Hold on to your meatball,
Whenever you sneeze.

Been singing this to my granddaughter and she thinks it’s hilarious. Kids.

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These Croaked Me Up: Frog Jokes

  • What does a frog say when it sees something he really likes? Toadly awesome!frog face
  • Why did the frog go to the hospital? He needed a hopperation!
  • What do you say to a hitch-hiking frog? Hop in!
  • What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!
  • What kind of shoes do frogs like to wear? Open toad!
  • What do stylish frogs wear? Jumpsuits!
  • How deep is a frog pond? Kneedeep!
  • What does a frog order at McDonalds? Flies and a diet croak!
  • How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy!
  • What happened to the frog’s car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!
  • ‘Waiter, do you have frog legs?’ ‘Oh no, Sir. I always walk like this!’

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These Are In Tents: Corny Camping One Liners

  • If you’re not in New York, you’re camping out.  Thomas E. Dewey
  • I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call “indoorsy”… My wife always brings up, “Camping’s a tradition in my family.” Hey, it was a tradition in everyone’s family ’til we came up with the house. Jim Gaffigan
  • Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.  Jack Handey

  • The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.  Dave Barry

  • I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent.  That’s a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap.  How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation?  Zipper it up really quick?  Mitch Hedberg

  • How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? Christy Whitehead
  • A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them to summer camp. Raymond Duncan
  • Light a campfire and everyone’s a storyteller. John Geddes

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Camp Care Packages: What Would Roseanne Connor Do?

Roseanne Connor, matriarch of the 1980’s sitcom, “Roseanne”, was the antithesis of 90sitcom6television’s usual crop of sugary, well-spoken,model-thin mothers. Roseannne’s chaotic, yet loving, parenting style was a breathe of fresh air to some mothers-and an irritant to many others. So what would this lovable loud mouth put in her kids’ camp care packages?

Even if the camp has banned food in care packages, I bet Roseanne would see that as a challenge and would, most certainly, smuggle some gum or other sugary contraband in to her kids’  boxes. An electronic fart machine-remote control fart machine great gift for farterdefinitely. Fake vomit, fake dog poop, a handful of rubber cockroaches, some fart putty might be included. Maybe a large rubber rattle snake and a wind up mouse. A care package from Roseanne would be the hit of the bunkhouse!

Mirth in a Box sells funny and unusual Cockroachescamp care packages. Want to create your own box?  We’ve got hundreds of items to pick from! 

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Comedic Cephalopods: Squid and Octopus Jokes

  • What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid!
  • How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed!huge octopus
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles!
  • Who held the baby octopus for ransome? Squidnappers!
  • What do you get when you cross a mink with an octopus? A coat of arms!
  • What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
  • Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row!
  • Why do oysters go to the gym? It’s good for the mussels!
  • Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just squidding!

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